96. Healing with gratitude

“On July 5, it came as a pleasant surprise. I call it ‘pleasant’ because, in a way, that's  how it felt to me. It was around 8:30 in the evening; I had just finished my daily table tennis routine, and before any further plans could be made, something else was about to unfold. I was struck by what they call a ‘neural attack’. A young friend, a colleague from my project work, was speaking to me on the phone when she suddenly sensed that something was wrong - perhaps she noticed a change in my speech. Knowing that I live alone, she did not waste any time. She contacted a few other colleagues who lived close to my apartment in West Delhi, and with their help, she promptly arranged for an ambulance. How I managed to open the door for the ambulance staff and the colleagues who came with them remains a story in itself.

“No one knew what was happening, not even me. Had I forgotten to be myself? Yes and no. I knew very little about my own state but strangely could recall every detail of a song that seemed to be playing – whether from the neighborhood or just in my mind, I still do not know. Astonishingly, I could rhythmically recite it in my head. The right side of my body had lost all sense of life. To cut a long story short, I was taken to a private hospital close to my house, and my son who rushed in from Gurgaon, took over. I owe my gratitude to the doctors and medical staff who cared for me during my stay in the hospital.  They sent me back home with the reassurance that I would soon walk and speak properly if I stayed positive and kept up with my physiotherapy sessions. It felt as if a new chapter, a fresh start, had been given to me.

“Some might say these 13-14 weeks must have been ‘trying time’ for me. If you ask me, it has been a ‘unique learning’ experience for me. There's no other way I could have learned so much. As I returned to life, I learnt what we often take for granted, is indeed a great learning experience. As a child we picked ‘walking’ as a natural practice that was taught by our parents at a very early age. But relearning it now, is an entirely different experience - it's like adding new motor experiences to my being. The physiotherapist helps the limbs do the needful. It may take time, and I need patience.

“Now, the learning for me is at each step. It opens up new avenues for learning. Relationships have gained a new meaning for me, each one now carrying its own distinct significance. While experiences may vary, all relationships acquire a renewed sense of ‘meaning’ and ‘depth.’ Their presence brings sympathy and kind words, which are certainly welcome, but ideally, it should go beyond that. However, it often doesn’t, and this is where the real issue lies. Relationships should transcend mere formalities, or they risk fading away if efforts aren’t made to rebuild them.

“Friendship, on the other hand, has many layers and meanings. I never did a permanent job in my life, only short-term commitments but my friend have always stood by me. They even took care of my medical bills, without knowing that they would eventually be reimbursed. Their physical presence over these two and a half months has been incredible; and there are those who enrich my life by daily digital interaction. I have never felt alone. Friends are friends without conditions.

“Every friend has contributed and continues to do so. One friend visit me every week, takes me for a long drive and we end our outing with a cup of coffee in a busy shopping mall. It makes me feel like I’m part of the crowd. In fact, the biggest lesson has been learning to appreciate the small things in life. I am still learning, and this is a truly unique opportunity. There are inspiring stories all around, and I feel enriched.

“But the story is far from over. There is still so much to learn from this experience. Most importantly, I have realized that there is little point in dwelling on the past. Only by looking forward can we carve out a better future."

First published in www.raagdelhi.com