Thursday, December 31, 2015

90. The little different nose, anyone!

Weird but stylish!
Mark my words, uncanny hair growth in one of the most undesired of places on our body is likely to script a new style statement. No freak idea this, those who may have plucked these protein filaments into extinction will have to pay through their nose to get them back. Get ready to pay the hair surgeon to work overtime to stuff your nostrils. And before you even begin to smell the hairy reality, design studios would have sprung all across to shape this luxuriant growth onto your facial contours. 

If you thought you could do without long nose hair, it is better you get back on your senses because the notion of hairless nostrils is passé. Stuffed nostrils will fetch a premium at the marriage market. A sweet
Wow! Double Moustache
something with a stylish braid dropping from top of the upper lips will hog limelight in most social gatherings. Bridal make-up will look different, and fashion catwalks will feature a hitherto unknown component. Who better than Yunus Parvez (Bade Babu of 'Gol-Maal') to judge such contests! 

If you haven't sensed it as yet, let it be known that the density of hair in your nostrils will henceforth determine your survival amidst city's polluted air. The more dirty air you breathe, the more nose hair you need. Weird though it may seem, the length of nasal hair will help visualize air quality index in your city. It is not entirely out of sync with our polluting lifestyles, the super-long disgusting nose hairs will be the new indicator of each person's air pollution exposure. 

As cities choke in air pollution, growing nose hair will become inevitable. After all, more nose hair will give individuals a three times less likely chance of developing asthma, and the hairy nose metric will demonstrate just how vital hirsute nostrils must be to deal with a dirty air epidemic. Weird though it may sound, nose hair will surely make the difference between life and death in Asian cities where more than 800,000 deaths are caused by polluted air each year. 

Yunus Pervaz: Harvesting protein filaments
In launching its 'Hairy Nose Campaign' a few years ago, Clean Air Asia had backed it up with 'style your nose hair' statement to match the emissions level in the city. It is akin to wearing masks or buy air filters, though pretty cheap in comparison. At the end of the day, all that matters is how indeed we adapt to increasing particulate matter in the air around us. Like 'grow more food' in the past, 'Grow more nose hair' will become the new slogan for human survival. 

Whether or not the odd-even vehicle rationing works to check air pollution on city roads, the odd idea of growing-nose-hair will pave new way of checking this emerging health threat. It may not exactly make up the stuff of Friday Fun, but imagining long nose hair will trim air pollution in the cities.  

This piece has appeared in Deccan Herald on March 4, 2016