94. Why do we avoid talking about it?

Why don't we talk about it when none of us can ever escape it? Are we socially and culturally primed to abstain from it? Do we gain by not talking about it? Perhaps, it is the inherent fear of the known that is bound to dawn on everyone someday.  

Talking about 'death' in our society is taboo, and surprisingly so when death all around. Death as a subject of conversation is a big NO. Even death at a ripe age of 90+ is regretted. It gets talked about after it actually happens, and that too briefly. Yudhisthira had rightly remarked: "The greatest wonder is that everyday death strikes, yet we live as if were immortal."   

Death is permanent and who doesn't know it, but avoiding conversation on it seems an unwritten dictum. Come to think of it, ours is a death-avoidant society in words. 

But for the Iranians, talking about death is natural. Since the family often buy burial land, an Iranian friend once told me, that having family picnic on such landed property is but natural. Their only child would often insist on being buried between parents. This reflects cultural acceptance of 'death' as an integral part of life. They consider 'life' to be trapped between 'birth' and 'death', as a package. Death literacy is more of a norm.

Primitive societies are known to have celebrated ‘death’, and few instances remain of counting death as a ‘virtue’. If ‘death’ actually means ‘re-birth’, it is said, then why must it not be a cause for celebration? Ironically, rebirth remains more of a myth - an issue worthy of discussion. Not ever is an effort made to read scriptures differently to understand death as an integral part of life.

Whatever be it, can anyone escape the reality of death? Why then avoid talking about ‘death’? Such cultural reluctance to talk about death results in avoiding major decisions - type and need of end-care; organ/body donation; and choice of funeral preferences. Unsurprisingly, India ranks 67 among 85 countries on the Global Quality of Death Index.

Death is not talked about because we all want to live longer. We want to be in control until the very end.  Death is viewed as a realm of human condition, that can be medically avoided. In a landmark work of cultural history ‘The Work of the Dead’ (Princeton Univ Press), Thomas Laqueur examines how societies have cared about the dead, without any effort towards discussing the subject of ‘death’. However, in recent days ‘death cafe’ has emerged in many cities where ‘death’ as a subject gets talked about.

First published in www.raagdelhi.com