71. Lips seek attention all the time

Colored lips are forever

After more than a year of struggle, heartbreak, and uncertainty, we all deserve to have things go a colorful way. That said, it is an interesting time to be alive and be able to capture even the smallest differences that can deflect our attention from the morbid occurrences. With pain and despair somewhat behind us, it is women who have emerged stronger than men in coming out of their masked existence. They have made it clear that their lips cannot remain hidden for long.    

Resurgence in lipstick sales in recent times is clear evidence that the lips have outlived being out of sight for all that the masked world has currently been through. It is good news for the other half too, the lips covered with color and gloss make for a pleasant site. Who would have thought that the little stick can stand the tallest storm? Like it had bounced back during the Great Depression of the 1930's, lipstick has stood the test of time during the ongoing Corona Pandemic too. 

Currently worth $34 million, lipstick sales in the US are close to where they were during the pre-pandemic quarter. Although the annual lipstick business in India is still behind its pre-pandemic high of $58 million, market trends indicate that demand is beginning to look up. One might wonder when the economy has literally been masked should the revival of lipstick business merit any attention? And, should I be bothering you with lipstick sales when many are still not out of the woods?

Mark my words, this small-yet-affordable look-good luxury item is more than sheer color and gloss. It is an indicator that reflects how one half of the society comforts itself during social and economic calamities, however, without causing any discomfort to the other half. Curiously, under economic duress lipstick sales begin to look up as no woman spends money on what she can ill-afford. Even before anyone notices it in the household, lipstick tops the list of affordable feel-good groceries.

Interestingly, there is an unconventional economic logic to it. It is called Lipstick Index, coined by businessman Leonard Lauder in 2001, which is a measure of how women spend money during hard times. Contentious as it may be, this index has stood as a measure of consumers' less expensive indulgences when they do not feel confident about the economic future. So, this is what makes designer dresses continue to stay on shop racks while lipstick goes out for a walk. 

All said, the lipstick index can reflect only a part of the story. Without reading the lips one cannot get hold of the complete story. While there may be mixed feelings among women - ranging from exhilaration of brightening the face yet again; to sheer annoyance of getting to wear it after a long while; and finally avoidance of staying under the mask - there is little denying that lipstick has come to symbolize women’s dreams, desires and freedom. What better one could have ever bargained for? 

Colored lips are a narrative device, acting like an extension of a woman's mind. However, women rarely tell what they stand to achieve through colored lips but it is perhaps this desperation to express herself that drives women to buy themselves a pick-me-up for whatever little savings they hold, which is a nice treat with a feel-good feeling for themselves and for the rest of us too. As I understand, lipstick, be it under the burqa or a mask, symbolizes an undisputed power of expression and assertion.Colored lips are forever!

First published in Outlook, July 18, 2021.

70. The bridge too far

The ferry, and the bridge under construction

Back in 2008, five of us had undertaken a moderately arduous but exploratory trip upstream on and along the mighty Brahmaputra, from Guwahati in Assam to Pasighat in Arunachal Pradesh. To move across the masculine river, we had to ferry our vehicle from predetermined locations along the river bank. During the time lapse for the incoming ferry to unload and reload, we were witness to cultural effervescence with life bursting with engaging activities at the harbor. From traditional outfits to local foods, from alluring handicrafts to personal services on offer, there was much to do during the otherwise inconvenient waiting time. 

Once across the river from Dhemaji, the distance to the highway leading to Dibrugarh town wasn't that far. But on any given day it was an ordeal for some 250-odd vehicles to reach the highway as most of them would invariably sink into the pulverized sand to be negotiated before hitting the road head. Although we drove cautiously to avoid being sand trapped, odds were stacked against us as well. Much to our dreaded surprise, our collective wisdom was of little value in overcoming the unavoidable hurdle. Panic-stricken as we were, attempts at applying acceleration sank our car further into the sands.

Having run out of all options, we signaled those three youngsters who were helping others, to pull us out of trouble. With many vehicles falling into the sandy trap each moment, their services were over subscribed. Yet, they rushed towards us and in a couple of minutes our car was out of the muddle. They surprised us by charging a pittance for the benevolence.  

Divorced from the conventional idea of giving vehicles a forward push, those young guys instead gave the vehicle an alternate sideways lift to slide some shrubs underneath the tyres to secure a forward movement. It was no big deal, but why did it not occur to us? The whole point of jugaad is that it is never a big deal. No surprise, it is often said that common sense is often uncommon. But the point is that such a simple idea didn't occur to us but was borne in the minds of those who perhaps didn't drive themselves. To me it seems we are wired as an inbuilt cultural empathy to solve common problems, and to innovative solutions for the society at large.  

Ingenious ways of resolving societal problems come natural to us. It is thinking-out-of-the-box that is part of our cultural construct, and which while being taken as given remains grossly undervalued too. In a capitalist system, the value of a service lies in it fitting into the accepted norms of convenience. So be it. The 4.9 kilometre Bogibeel bridge over Brahmaputra, opened in 2018, has created convenience of movement like never before, cutting down on distance and travel time across the river. The ferry ecosystem that we briefly partnered with has run out of business since then. 

That the imposing bridge has distanced people from the river to which they belonged for their livelihoods and survival remains nobody's business. Over time, it is such convenient distancing that brews apathy among communities towards the(ir) river.

First published in The Hindu on July 25, 2021.

69. An adornment of unbreakable feelings

The Mohenjo-daro Girl

In these times of overwhelming stillness, nostalgia revives itself like baggage moving on a carousel. With not much demand on time, one begins to notice each of the moving baggage for its designs and colors to create a kaleidoscope in mind, which sends me on memory trail when the bangle-seller - churriwala - used to come calling to charm the young ladies and pull all of them out from their closet into the courtyard. The ensuing mini-celebration of the kind would curate many eyeball moments for youngsters like me. Much would get shared without a word being spoken, bangles being the romantic medium for the lucky few!  

Such occasions used to extend temporary escape for suppressed emotions, creating naughty moments of youthful exuberance. Lyricists have rarely let such moments wither away by trapping it into musical compositions that resonate for life. तेरे हाथों में पहना के चूड़ियाँ के मौज बंजारा ले गया (By squeezing bangles onto your wrist, the bangle seller had all the fun) from film Jaani Dushman (1979) clears misconceptions about the churriwala overstepping into the love birds' domain. Unspoken words get musical wings!  

Bangles have adorned women since antiquity, and may remain so for aeons. Ever since the alluring damsel with one armful of bangles and the second at her hip emerged from the Mohenjo-daro excavations (see pic), women's romance with bangles have only expanded through precious metals and exquisite glass. However, the collapse of imperialism and the triumph of capitalism have had the least of impacts on its tinkling presence in society. And, married women love bangles for the color distinctions that signify stages of blessedness.

The green is conspicuous for being virtuous, its colorful features vividly captured by Shailendra for the title song वादा लेंगी हरे काँच की चूड़ियाँ (Green bangles will seek a promise) from the film Hare Kanch Ki Chudiyan (1967). While red bangles signify energy and prosperity, it is green that helps women make the most of good luck and fertility in their lives. Yellow bangles are meant for happiness, white is for new beginnings, and orange for success. The melodious voice of Asha Bhonsle captures the varying shades of churri through the life of a woman.   

The impact of pandemic notwithstanding, bangles have continued to jingle-jangle on slim wrists. However, like lipstick and underwear indices, economists haven't drawn any for bangles to assess its contribution to the economy. Should someone attempt it, bangles would surely be in the race for being a significant contributor to sustaining an informal economy that impacts the livelihoods of a sizable chunk of the population. Firozabad, Hyderabad, and  Moradabad are notable for making this cultural artifact a national phenomenon. 

More than a colorful ornament of feminine adornment, churri as a medium with multiple messages hasn't been adequately acknowledged. For veiled women the tinkling chime of bangles comes handy to direct coded messages in a joint family. In more neutral situations, the message is subtle but direct. Anand Bakshi's lyrical expression मेरे हाथों में नौ नौ चूड़ियाँ हैं (I have nine bangles on my wrist) carries a teasing invite to her trolling lover from Chandni (1989). The musical appeal of the song is enduring.

Churri has a socially demeaning side to it as well, Although the practice of breaking bangles by widows has largely been discontinued, the proverbially message that it is the end of a part of her life she cannot repair continues to haunt. दिल हूम हूम करे, घबराए (The beat of the heart is disturbing) poignantly captures the longing the woman feels for her lover in the film Rudaali (1993). It documents the disturbing ritual, and seeks the society to disband it. The sound ‘hoom hoom’ denotes the beating of the heart to that effect.

Bangles may have come to symbolize many stages of women's life, but men have not remained untouched by it either. Legendary poet Gopal Das Neeraj was inspired to equate churri with dil in his memorable song चूड़ी नहीं ये मेरा दिल है देखो देखो टूटे ना (Don't let it break, bangle is like my heart) for the film Gambler (1971). With a tinge of  philosophy, Neeraj found the shape of a bracelet akin to the cycle of life with no end or beginning. In fact, it is a rare tribute to the cultural artifact of all times. 

Predominantly made of glass, its inherent value lies in bangles being a breakable piece of feminine adornment that has evoked unbreakable feelings for poets and lyricists to weave magic of beauty, romance and enduring luck around it.  

(Press the highlighted text to view the song under reference)  

68. In quest for a good death

In this hour of gloom and doom, hope springs eternal in the human breast for a long life. Even amidst this unprecedented death dance, elders in the family do return my respectful bow with 'live a hundred years' blessings. And, there are friends, surprised by my unexpected call, who exclaim to this day - 'you'll live a hundred years'! Though momentarily, the feel-good wish triggers an optimism towards living a long life. There is no reason to play it down either. 

In fact, nobody ever does so. Instead those who first thought of it must have been hopeful of achieving the three-digit mark for humans. However, for most of our long history as a species, our average life expectancy was capped at about thirty-five years. Perhaps the inspiration of jumping it three times over may have come from the purported life of some mythical characters like the invincible Bhishma, who lived long enough to witness some 4-5 generations.    

In recent times, the island of Okinawa in Japan has the highest number of people over the age of 100, but average life expectancy is still some years behind. Yet, there is a case for rejoicing as Steven Johnson explains in his recent book 'Extra Life: A Short History of Living Longer' that between the Spanish flu of 1918 and the Covid pandemic of 2020 global life expectancy doubled to around seventy-two years. Humans gained thousands of extra days in the last hundred years. 

Far from finding people jumping with joy on gaining those extra days, the number of people feeling stressed and miserable have actually been on the rise. Ironically, the same elders who shower '100 years' blessings often wish for themselves an early exit from life. Why? Because seeing around they find that the extra years gained are mostly spent living with pain, disease, and dementia. For them, more years to life means an expansion of morbidity at a much higher cost. 

Past mid-seventies, my paternal aunt would plead a respectable exit from life each time I met her. While I dissuaded her from thinking so, she was clear in her mind that a profit-driven health-care system and a hole-riddled social safety net would do her no good for the rest of her life, With a hip bone fracture to contend with and an alarming blood sugar level to negotiate on a daily basis, the extra nine years she gained were indeed of misery, pain and neglect.   

No wonder, advancement in medical technology has increased life expectancy by only slowing down ageing which my aunt was hoping to avoid. Like most of her friends, she had desired an extended life with better overall health, and not age-induced disability. Even in a country like the US which spends the highest per capita on health care, the situation is no better as most people past seventy years of age don't wish to live longer than the current natural limits.   

Given that death is the most basic fact of life, there are a growing number of social networks (like Exit, Final Exit) in medically-advanced countries who advise people take a rational call to exit life. However, medical science is still uncertain about the right time for people to voluntarily exit from life. Although the subject of voluntary exit from life may be socially and politically controversial, what moral choice aged people have to escape a painful future? 

More than a bewildered predicament, this is reflective of the uncertain times we live in. Need it be said that the science of gerontology is nowhere close to squeezing ageing into an increasingly short period of life. So the message is that 'good life' has restrictions on time while there is an extended waiting period for getting the final call. It is no surprise, therefore, that despite sounding utterly distressing people now have a desire for 'good death'. 

Hasn't the pandemic shockingly demonstrated that as much as a good life, a good death is no less desirous? Amen!

First published in The Hindu, issue dated June 6, 2021. 

67. Even if you can't take it, you can't avoid being one

I recall how scheming we were in our younger days to send gullible on a 'fool's errand' to mark April 1, the most light-hearted day of the year when playing pranks and trying to get people to believe ridiculous things is universally accepted. From simple jokes to elaborate hoaxes, friends and relatives who consider themselves to be wise guard themselves from falling into the trap laid for them to be publicly declared 'fool'. Whatever the prank, the trickster would usually end up yelling to his victim - April Fool. 

It is one day when the fools gain some social recognition, but not without letting the so-called wise be under the illusion of having all the fun. Curiously, it has something about the time of the year that there is lightheartedness all around. The switch from winter to spring has been a time for celebrations across diverse cultures - the Romans had a festival named Hilaria, the Jewish calendar has Purim, and the Indians clown themselves with colors on Holi. So much for staying foolish once a while!

I am reminded how it had played differently on Iraq's erstwhile President Saddam Hussein though, who was at the receiving end of a rather cruel joke. April Fool was the code name of the double agent who had the last laugh in getting the dictator caught from his hiding. Come to think of it, it is one day in a year that reduces the contrast between the wise and the foolish - and let's the wise person know that s/he could easily be a fool at a given time.

The fool's day, April 1, is an old age tradition which caught popular imagination since calendar was reformed in France in 1564. Those who stubbornly clung to the old calendar system had jokes played on them. It caught on, and became a global ritual ever since. Such has been its popularity that even films were themed on the subject: the 1964 Saira Banu-Biswajeet starrer 'April Fool' had a song which continues to be played till this day, to mark the only day in the year for the fools. 

But there is something seriously amiss in our lives in recent times though. Playing pranks on April Fool's Day has become passé. Is it because our digitally obsessed world has saturated us with all kinds of silliness, more than what we can possibly process? Far from being a medicine, it has reduced laughter into a laughable hoax. Aren't we been bombarded by unscrupulous videos of people doing and advocating stuff that only makes us look anything but foolish. No one would like to look that way. Isn't it? 

My sense is that most people have become cautious to avoid being publicly fooled. They may have their reasons but I wonder if such protective approach to life makes them any wiser. Perhaps not, as it restricts us from being aware of our vulnerabilities and makes us less tolerant of the others' who outsmart us. Learning to laugh at yourself, it is said, is the simplest path to inner peace that helps us to be more resilient and kind. With this, I'm ready for any prank. Are you?

With all of us living in a fool's paradise why worry if there is just a day for being fooled! 

First published in Deccan Herald, issue dated April 1, 2021

66. Why the business of 'Gobar' doesn't matter?

The Gobar-Ganesh temple in Madhya Pradesh

It is four decades since the National Biogas Program was launched in 1981, but dung or gobar has been in the news for all the wrong reasons. Little has been done to salvage gobar that lies splintered on roads with cows foraging from the roadside dustbins. Considered an economic resource of immense cultural value, its colossal neglect has yet to catch the attention it deserves. Nothing could be more curious than such an abandonment of a resource that comes virtually free.                                                                  

Spotting dung (gobar) in the streets reminds me of political philosopher Jeremy Waldron who said 'things are not quite as they seem', which provides me with an illuminating example in what the bovine of the world drops first thing at dawn. It is the most stubborn and intractable truth of all times that one can't milk a cow without getting gobar as a gift. Much before the market could innovate 'buy one get one free' dictum, rural households were already adept to it as a grossly accepted norm ever since. 

No wonder, people learnt to live with gobar which is unceremoniously scattered almost everywhere. Like others, I do realize its ritual significance amidst cultural traditions but am concerned about its unfinished story plastered as cakes on village walls and as dung-pyramids dotting the landscape. Least said, a milk-nation is as much a gobar-country. Curiously, no one seems to have any obligation to turn things around on gobar despite some five million tons of which is on offer in the country on a daily basis.      

With its daily replenishment, gobar is a deceptively simple raw material that has shown immense conversion value. It's nutritive worth for crops and energy value as fuel runs into billions of rupees, worthy of making the market go bullish. In addition, gobar has intangible gains far too many to count with its climate-friendly credentials of trapping soil carbon only beginning to be realized. Billed as being anti-bacterial, anti-fungal, and thermally insulating, paint made out of it is the latest in the list of gobar virtues. 

Despite a growing list of virtues, one wonders why good ideas about gobar have lacked systematic promotion? Not really, as noted economist E F Schumacher had pulled it out from the near abyss by advising the government to get gas and manure out of it, through what became known as a biogas or gobar gas, in 1981. In the forty years that have gone by, not only has the ambitious program of building 12 million biogas units fell short of target by over seventy per cent but has more dysfunctional and defunct units to its credit. 

It may read like a fairy tale on unsuccessful attempts at quietude but gobar has continued to act like a periscope of ideas to tease creative minds. Like most bakery products, sun-baked dung cakes can now be ordered online. While placing an order be sure upfront on how you intend dealing with it! Perhaps, more attractive is the recent proposal by the Chhattisgarh government to buy gobar for Rs 2 per kilo at farmers doorsteps. Seemingly relevant, it seems a work-in-progress at unlocking the true value of gobar. Amen! 

I wonder why is it that when it comes to gobar we are neither truly empathetic nor fully prepared, only eager to chuck for the sake of making a new proposal. In the world of comfortable interiors, cultural seduction of popular idiom Gobar-Ganesh (meaning clumpsy or stupid) plays heavy on our psyche. Unless we alert ourselves from being lout in our dealing on gobar, both as a resource as well as an idea, the bovine droppings will continue to cast its proverbial gobar-ganesh impact on us. 

First published in the Outlook on June 27, 2021. 

65. Ow is that, monsieur!

I have come to realize that my connection with the French goes beyond the gust of wind and the burst of fire, the proverbial reference to the deadly Mirage and the destructive Rafale. Perhaps, fashion and wines have better claim to the country's identity than its controversial defence deals. Even heroin smuggling from Turkey to Canada via France from 1930's through 70's dubbed 'The French Connection' has long been consigned to history. The country is now more proud of its perfumes and the Eiffel.  

For me, it doesn't end at just that. The stubble I support on my chin is called a French Cut, the widely accepted facial definition of being a suave man. It is one generic stuff that one can improvise to trim stubble to suit different face cuts for getting a dapper dude look. What's more, the French have been generous enough not to draw any patents on it. That the cut will inspire lingerie makers to invent French-cut panties is not easy for me to fathom. Not sure if they invented it but there is no denial by the French on it as yet!   

What surprises me most is the fact that quite a few things attributed to being 'French' have no French connection whatsoever. My order for a plate of French fries in a cafe in downtown Montpelier in south France had many eyebrows raised. 'There is no such thing as French fries'. Perhaps an attribution to the potatoes they didn't ever fry, I imagine! The story goes that stationed in Belgium during World War I, the American soldiers named it so after finding the French-speaking Belgian soldiers savoring it.

As you rightly guessed, next on my check list was to look around for a French toast. Surprisingly, it remained as elusive as the French-fries though back home roadside eateries whip it out in a flash. But why don't the French? Simply put, this sweet snack popular across the world has no French-connection. Traced back for its origin to the Roman Empire, the toast recipe seemed to have traveled with the early English settlers to America during the 17th century. And, it has been popular as a French recipe ever since!

I'm not done yet on my French connections. The cricket we play today is an English creation, but I can't forget having played French cricket as a child. Using one's legs as wickets and to protect them with a bat remains a fascinating challenge to fend every ball thrown at you from a number of players encircling the batter. Although historical records do indicate that a primitive form of 'criquet' did originate in France, the French are not making any serious claims on it. I wonder why aren't they claiming what is genuinely theirs?

Why should they when everything else is coming their way, anyway? Curiously, the etymology of the sensual oral technique is grounded in English but it is known the world over as 'French kiss'. 'Is that genuinely French?' I queried a French. When it comes to passionate romantic matters, the French are no shrinking violets. They seem to own every second of that deep-mouth exploration. Who else but the French alone could introduce such adventurism to the world! 'Ow is that, monsieur!'      

I'm done with my French connections. It's over to you!    

First published in Deccan Herald, issue dated Dec 26, 2020.

64. You are cordially not invited

Let it remain an intimate affair!

Much has changed since the faceless virus vitiated all civic life. Even the 'made in  heaven' tag couldn't save marriages from losing its sheen, with most guests falling under 'you are cordially not invited' list. A crash of $50 billion marriage market is the net outcome as marriages become sanitized affair with restrictions on regalia. The sky of uncertainty has fallen upon the age-old institution of marriage which continues to hold the divine tag ‘les mariages se font au ciel' proclaimed in France during early 16th century.
   
Even though the virus continues to pose an existential threat, the divine angle continues to pop up for good reasons. How else can it be explained that two people desperate for each other end up in different nuptial knots, and the other two unknown to each other exchange marriage vows? It is as trivial as it gets, with no easy answers. Ask those who could not tie the desired knot, and they will tell you in chorus that if some day they were to meet the person behind the divine proverb, they would try to get him/her for felony. 

Taking a potshot on the divinity angle, Hollywood legend Clint Eastwood had once quipped 'if marriages are made in heaven, so is thunder and lightning.' The virus has indeed struck like a lightning thunder. What matters at this stage is the manner in which families have worked past this unexpected thunder to forge safe alliances. Everything becomes negative if one of the couples or the family were to test positive! Trade-off between matrimonial compatibility was never so uncanny.

Marriages have now become more intimate and closed affairs, and for good reasons too. Come to think of it, the so-called social sanction alone had transformed marriages into big fat extravagant and wasteful. The turnaround has been dramatic with this being the best time for marriages though, as these events have less of 'market' in them, making them slim and smaller, frugal and sparing. Don't get me wrong if I say that the virus has inadvertently reinforced the often ignored fact that overt monetization had indeed transformed this pious activity for stitching new relationships into a market place for bargaining alliances. 

This had to change, and I am glad it has at least been forced to change. The trend of big-fat weddings set by the upper echelons of the society has been getting to the bottom billions, to emulate at enormous costs. On my visit to the US couple of months before the virus had unleashed its terror, an Indian graduate student had unabashedly told me that investment on his foreign education was sure to earn his parents back home dividends in the matrimonial marketplace. The impact of such trend on this cultural activity has been shocking, and obnoxiously too deep rooted.  

Had the dreaded virus arrived a year too early, it could have helped me plan an intimate and frugal wedding for my ward. For all those family members and friends who now sing paeans on the virus-induced lockdown and subsequent restrictions having cleaned the air and cleared the rivers had paid little heed to my humble plea on saving colossal personal and public resources during that wedding, or any other for that matter. Why control over how we spend our monies guarantee us unequivocal rights over common pool of resources? I continue to wonder why wasted food, splurged water and fouled air during weddings didn't count?  

Not sure how long will this newfound compulsion of frugal marriages may last. It will be unfortunate should this compulsive behavior not gain currency for frugality becoming the new normal for all future matrimonial alliances. I would expect prospective candidates to commit it online and offline, over and above their so-called class and status. The fear of virus is unlikely to lose potency in keeping the guests cordially uninvited. For once, be wary if you get cordially invited. Else, celebrate!

First published as a Times of India blog on Aug 27, 2020.   

63. The sorry state of apology

'You always say 'sorry', you better 'apologise' now!  

When you desperately seek it, it rarely comes your way. And when you don't, it flows like beer from a pitcher. Still at other times, you may not even notice when someone brushes past you while exclaiming 'sorry'. Not sure if it is a new form of greetings that we have yet to get used to, but it has come to mean that way. However, what surprises me most is the glaring omission by those who are liberal in saying sorry even when they sneeze but refuse to apologise when they hit a car. 

When in linguistic history apology and sorry became synonyms is beyond me, but I do know that apology has its origin in Greek and sorry comes from English. It's transition to English is conveniently attributed to Shakespeare as he was renowned as a creator/user of new words. Even if it isn't so, let's stay put with this explanation for now to let me conclude somewhat reluctantly that tendering an apology is a formal expression of admitting wrongdoing while sorry carries an informal tag of not admitting anything, meaning that I'm sorry for not doing it while you may think otherwise! 

I am not intending this as a piece of whataboutery, but trying to understand the trade-off that makes an apology such a keenly contested idea. No wonder, every so often a case of seeking an apology grabs news headlines and engages eyeballs on television, making heavy weather of not-so-ominous clouds. Although one would expect a well-turned and ingenuous-seeming apology to put a difficult issue to rest, in reality given its tactical nature none of the contesting parties is ever willing to go on back foot to rest the initiative. One is often reminded of Gandhi who would take moral high ground in such matters.

Whatever be at stake, experience shows that the possibility of getting an apology always remains remote. As I have understood, part of the problem is that no matter how heartfelt an apology gets tendered, there is a lack of genuine forgiveness at the recipient's end. With this being more often the case who would volunteer to make oneself vulnerable, be it the case of a court seeking apology for a contempt proceeding or a neighbour demanding regret for defaming his propriety,   

One reason people don't easily apologise has to do with psychological benefits of choosing not to apologize. Social psychologists have found that those who refuse to express remorse show signs of greater self-esteem, increased feelings of power and integrity. No wonder, it is easy to demand an apology than to deliver one. Even if it doesn't propel any such signs, refusing to apologise will at least ensure that in subsequent events of the kind it will not be held as evidence that you admit liability too soon. Apologies make tricky affairs!  

Tricky for sure but I think the word apology itself has been misunderstood. Even Plato, while presenting the Apology of Socrates, recorded it as a speech of legal self-defence at the trial of Socrates, and not an explanation of how Socrates admitted his transgressions. It is for this reason people don't tender an apology that easily because it is understood as 'something said or written in defense or justification of what appears to others to be wrong or of what may be liable to disapprobation'.

An apology could be a complicated matter, and it indeed is. Since childhood we have known that words once uttered can't be taken back, then how can an apology turn things the other way round? Given that an apology can get overstretched on the length and breadth of the internet, political strategists talk about the need to 'get ahead of' an issue. Given it is complicated, it is high time it is clear how the word 'apology' ought to be understood. Else, we will only end up feeling 'sorry' for it.   

62. For now, it is a question of answers

Any question? Keep it to yourself!

For once, this pandemic has forced all of us to be different, to seek answers and only answers on how to confront, control, and get over the dreadful virus. No one seems to be asking questions anymore, but everyone is waiting for a universal answer. All questions about its origin are painfully getting buried with those who unfortunately have succumbed to it.  Don't get me wrong if I may say that the conventional human trait of asking questions seems to have taken a backseat as the virus lurks around.
                   
To say that 'not to question is the question' does not provide any answer on our collective plight. Humans have always been in the habit of asking questions but rarely does anyone like to be questioned? Check this out! Students quibble on being questioned; teenagers resent probing wards; employees grudge questioning bosses and so on........because a question creates a situation when otherwise sensible people get temporarily stumped, feeling let down and somewhat insecure of themselves at that moment. The one being questioned can hardly escape being its victim, though.  

Given the present scenario, I wonder if we are not being rewired 'not to ask questions'? No one could be sure, but it may do a world of good for most of us should it were to happen. However, I have learnt that humans have not always been asking questions. Evolutionary biologists contend that humans were not born with this unique ability to ask questions, it was a cognitive add-on during the first millennium of human evolution. And once onto it, there hasn't been any looking back since then as the  psychological vantage to assert supremacy by asking questions gained social currency across all cultures. 

Many of you would want to question the evolutionary hypothesis but experience has shown that answers have always pre-existed questions at any time. In fact, I would imagine that it is the presence of 'answers' that gives rise to 'questions' in the first place. Whether to your satisfaction or not, more than one answer has always been there because a question alone can't survive. For every ying there ought to be a yang around. It is always two to a tango!  So, for any question on the anvil an answer is always discreetly around somewhere, for sure. 

If answers are lying scattered all round, should we not be searching for answers only? This is precisely what all of us are currently engaged in, seeking answers to finding a way of living life like never before, as there are not many who would care to address our questions. We all have to find our own answers. Sans questions, life is sure to ease out for teenagers, husbands, employees, bureaucrats and even politicians. The virus seems to be giving us an evolutionary back kick!   

Thank the faceless virus for masking us from the vice of asking questions. The only question we will still be asking is 'how are you', because it has an answer embedded in it.

First published in The Times of India on July 1, 2020.